Whos that girl?

It happened. Somewhere out of the blue I found myself, on what started out as a normal and rather exciting Sunday afternoon ended with me crying into my boyfriends  shoulder. "I Cant, I cant" I kept saying to him in between sobs and mass hysteria. What caused all this commotion you may ask? Well let me tell you a little story about a little girl whom, after finding the most charming man ever, who adores her and treats her like the princess midget she is, realizes that it wont always be this easy. The thing is, and I'm sure I've said this before, but dating for me, properly dating that is, is a painful experience. Which is why, before meeting my prince I had decided to forgo the entire thing and opt for a simpler life of work, friends and champagne (because every pseudo princess needs champagne).

Anyways, and then I met my darling, it was rather unexpected but pleasant surprise to learn that I could still be...well surprised. For one he thought I was hilarious (who doesn't like that?) and two he is just...agh no words can describe it. Anyways after many months of dating, going on too many adventures to count we found ourselves at a crossroads. The inevitable next step to any relationship. Meeting the parents...yes people THE PARENTS EEEEEEEKKKKK. Now before you think he was born into a cult of some sort let me just tell you that that isn't the case. In actual fact his parents, whom I'd interacted with once are very nice, friendly and polite. That being said this coming weekend I will find myself in Britanny in the South West of France with my darling and his family before going to Italy.

Now whilst we had prepared to tell them about my status this summer, on Sunday after talking about our trip, his family and the like I realized that I wasn't ready. I had spent so much of my time prepping him for telling his parents that I forgot to prep myself. To ask myself how I would feel once they knew and how I would take the reaction (good or bad) and the truth hit me like a ton of bricks, I just wasn't at that place yet. Disclosing to anyone is hard, disclosing to the parents of the man you love feels, well impossible if you ask me. But it must be done but for now we have put off the idea completely until I am ready and in the mean time I will be seeking some help of my own in the form of wine therapy.  For now however I am trying to focus on kicking this slight cold and getting ready for my Euro summer trip because truth be told, I much prefer the happy princess to the unhappy anxious me, that girl, I haven't seen in a while, and besides I get to go back to Paris again and I FINALLY get to see Italy, what is there not to get excited about?

Whats in a shoe?

One day whilst at a meeting with a client, we started talking about style. Somehow between discussing a comprehensive HIV and sexual health project, the subject of shoes, clothes and things related to style started to come in. For my client (who works with students and young people), it was a question of young woman and girls getting themselves into compromising situations for the sake of getting their hands on the latest "It bag" or those shoes that everyone is wearing/talking about. To my client, this seemed to be an unreasonable reason to have unprotected sex with older men/or partners who can provide these seemingly meaningless objects just to look good, and sure some may argue the same. But as I pointed out to my client, in my favorite bright yellow woolworths pencil skirt, my boyfriends cashmere jersey, my strappy black heels and my favorite Mr price necklace, style was a lot more than just looking good, it was about feeling good, and ultimately who wakes up thinking "today I want to feel terrible about myself?" No-one that I know of. As the conversation continued I started to highlight the huge gap within the HIV and sexual health response pertaining to making young women and girls (who are the most at risk by the way) feel good about themselves, instead of being understanding we are quick to blame fashion magazines and tell women (positive or not) to not bother with things such as fashion and beauty (what ever that means to you).

Whilst I somewhat agree with this argument I have to admit that I love looking good. I spend hours fussing over what to wear and having great skin, because when I look good I feel my good. I will also admit to being an avid Elle reader (I think my boyfriend can attest to this) and I wont apologize for it. The problem begins when we want to live beyond our means. Whether it be the allure of "keeping up with the Mthethwa's" (this is South Africa), or if its just about out dressing your friend, or simply wanting to look good, as young women and men even, we are taught to be ashamed of not having, of not being able to etc, I am guilty of this too.

However having never had lots of money growing up I was taught at an early age to make do with what I had and as such second hand/thrift/charity stores became my mecca. I mean even today I can be found about once a week when I am walking around my neighborhood which has lots of second hand stores, looking for little gems. It is at these stores that I found my fashion identity, one that was sometimes on trend but sometimes unique. One that was both affordable and within my price range. Even today as a consultant, I much rather prefer to go to a second hand store to see what little gems I can find. That way when I realllllly love or want something new, it doesnt hurt my pocket too much because most of my closet is thrifted, gifted or hand me downs and the funny thing is I love this about my closet. I mean sure there are a few splurge items in there but for the most part I am quite the thrifter.

Take these beauties above for instance. Can you believe that I bought them at a charity store in Melville for just R48.00? Can you say BARGAIN???!!!! I love them and they fulfill all my sartorial needs, from the low heel, the leather soles, the hand beaded fronts they are a beauty and all for the price of a quarter chicken meal at nando's. And yes, I know some people will think that this is gross, but trust me when I say most of the clothes at second hand stores are in good condition. Plus if you feel a little squeamish there is nothing a little skip intelligence, and white vinegar cant clean. (White vinegar I use in all my washing to rid clothes and shoes of any body odor, mold smells etc and it works like a charm). So don't be afraid of expressing yourself through your own personal affordable style, and as my favorite quote by Janis Joplin goes "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got" even when it comes to style.