Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink...

OK, maybe not the most appropriate blog title of all times but it sounds good no? Anyways the point of today is for us to talk about water. Yes water. That natural goodness that can do wonders for you and yours. I will be the first to admit to hating water when I was younger, I mean fully fledged hate bomb for real. Like most youth, i preferred the taste of oros (yes guys Oros, probably one of my favorite childhood drinks and one of the worst for you with all that sugar) but no less I passed that phase. Somewhere between being diagnosed HIV positive to growing up, I started to love water, no I mean really love, almost as much as I love food. Driven partly by the fact that I now know the benefits of water.

I mean sure, I do still drink appletizer/grapetizer (the only fizzy drinks I allow myself) but when it comes to non alcoholic beverages, water takes the cake...or is it cup? Anywho...One of the other reasons I love water so much is because in the past few years I have developed insanely dry skin, I mean flake and peel type situation and so for me water is the best way to counteract my dry skin from the inside out. Nowadays I can be found with a 1 liter console jar full of water on my desk or where ever I am working. Whilst I aim for 2 liters a day (which is two jars full) sometimes I tend to fall short but never less than a liter a day, which proves to still be enough seeing as so many foods we eat have water in them so I am sure I get my 2 liters a day.  Either way water is my new best friend and does wonders for my skin, digestive system, and overall health. When you're living with HIV its important to do the little things to keep you healthy and water certainly helps, especially as I am known to get tired often (sometimes a nap is needed) but most times a jug of water does the trick in waking me up, especially on days when I can't afford a nap. It also does the trick of keeping those extra kilo's off from drinking too much juice, especially with some ARVs which can cause fat build up in the mid section, but whether HIV positive or not, water is always a great choice. So drink up and thank me later.

Things they never tell you: Skin deep

Yes, that is me with a towel on my head in my home office (don't mind the chairs in the background). Truth is, things like this happen often when I am working, because what is life if not a healthy dose of crazy. The reason for this particular image however is so we can talk about skin. Yes SKIN. That thing we all have in various shades and shapes and which, if you are like me have a love/hate relationship with...but for reasons you may not be thinking of. 

Firstly, let me explain something to you which most people who have been diagnosed with HIV will tell you. That as easy breezy beautiful as it all seems after a while the beginning is hell, and I mean HELL. Which is probably why DRs, Nurses  and who ever else is looking after you doesn't tell you all the things you are about to endure on the journey to healing, mainly because I think if we were told of the realities, most of us would quite before we even begin.

One of the first things I noticed when I started ARVs for instance, I was 19 at the time by the way, was that my skin started acting out. "WHAT THE..." I thought to myself in horror. Not only were the new drugs kicking my sweet behind as my immune system was rebuilding itself, I was now starting to notice some not so pretty changes happening. Never been one to fuss too much over skin or anything else really I panicked when my skin wasnt looking as it should and I started to do some research. After much research I was horrified to read that whilst the drugs I was taking came highly recommended (and I would recommend them myself any day #ARVsAREAWESOME), there was also some fine print and words I couldn't pronounce, which, simply put meant that my body would be changing, and my skin was the first sign of that. 

Like a fish to water I started doing everything I could to prevent any more noticeable change occurring because for most of my life I had been blessed with fairly good skin. So I researched and researched and researched until I could no longer research and what I discovered then and there was that my days of washing my face with soap and water were done. I needed some help, like serious help. Whilst my first thought was to try some expensive brands, when my body rejected those I turned to some of the legends of skin care that have stood the test of time and remind relatively inexpensive.

That is when, through a beauty blog I discovered Cetaphil a gentle cleanser that didn't make my skin scream with terror. After just that and a random face cream I decided to change creams too and tried a few until I settled on Kiehl's oil free gel cream which did the trick. But of course as I grew older and my obsession deepend I thought more and more about skin and so begin another round of research which led me to my skin care "system" I use today. Mainly because I travel A LOT and I started to wear make up so things needed to change and change they did. Today my skin care routine looks a little like this:

Morning:

1. Wash with warm water using  CETAPHIL

2. Rinse with cold water using APPLE CIDER VINEGAR

3. Gently tone my skin with RICE WATER (an ancient Japanese secret I am told which evens out skin tone and tightens pores)

4. Use ESTEE LAUDER ADVANCED NIGHT REPAIR EYE SERUM

5. Use 2/4 drops of JOJOBA OIL to further hydrate the skin because my skin gets really dry

6. Moisturize with KIEHLS OIL FREE GEL CREAM

7. Protect with NIVEA SPF30 FACIAL SUN SCREEN

Now, before you gasp in absolute horror I must tell you that most of these products are natural and have worked wonders for me, also that the spotting and roughness my skin went through before is no longer an issue. At night I do the exact same thing except I will usually start with BIODERM CREALINE H20 ULTRA-MILD NON-RINSE FACE & EYES CLEANSER which removes even my most stubborn make up like my Mac Ruby Woo. 

Now what you see above in my terrible attempt at an "after shower" photoshoot is my skin with no make up except of course some Ruby Woo lipstick and eye pencil. Otherwise I've used no foundation or any other make up I usually like to plaster, just to give you an idea. Also #NOFILTER (Sorry I had to). So then my friends, the point is simple really, what ever medication you may be on (ARVs or not) there is always a good solution for all those "Things they never tell you", even if its as simple as boiling a pot of rice.

Whos that girl?

It happened. Somewhere out of the blue I found myself, on what started out as a normal and rather exciting Sunday afternoon ended with me crying into my boyfriends  shoulder. "I Cant, I cant" I kept saying to him in between sobs and mass hysteria. What caused all this commotion you may ask? Well let me tell you a little story about a little girl whom, after finding the most charming man ever, who adores her and treats her like the princess midget she is, realizes that it wont always be this easy. The thing is, and I'm sure I've said this before, but dating for me, properly dating that is, is a painful experience. Which is why, before meeting my prince I had decided to forgo the entire thing and opt for a simpler life of work, friends and champagne (because every pseudo princess needs champagne).

Anyways, and then I met my darling, it was rather unexpected but pleasant surprise to learn that I could still be...well surprised. For one he thought I was hilarious (who doesn't like that?) and two he is just...agh no words can describe it. Anyways after many months of dating, going on too many adventures to count we found ourselves at a crossroads. The inevitable next step to any relationship. Meeting the parents...yes people THE PARENTS EEEEEEEKKKKK. Now before you think he was born into a cult of some sort let me just tell you that that isn't the case. In actual fact his parents, whom I'd interacted with once are very nice, friendly and polite. That being said this coming weekend I will find myself in Britanny in the South West of France with my darling and his family before going to Italy.

Now whilst we had prepared to tell them about my status this summer, on Sunday after talking about our trip, his family and the like I realized that I wasn't ready. I had spent so much of my time prepping him for telling his parents that I forgot to prep myself. To ask myself how I would feel once they knew and how I would take the reaction (good or bad) and the truth hit me like a ton of bricks, I just wasn't at that place yet. Disclosing to anyone is hard, disclosing to the parents of the man you love feels, well impossible if you ask me. But it must be done but for now we have put off the idea completely until I am ready and in the mean time I will be seeking some help of my own in the form of wine therapy.  For now however I am trying to focus on kicking this slight cold and getting ready for my Euro summer trip because truth be told, I much prefer the happy princess to the unhappy anxious me, that girl, I haven't seen in a while, and besides I get to go back to Paris again and I FINALLY get to see Italy, what is there not to get excited about?

The art of being positive

photo by Edern Le Bris

I know, I know, I must be the worst blogger in blogger history, but there has been so much going on that the idea of blogging has seemed to great to complete. But since I am back, I thought I might share some of my experiences with being...well you know HIV positive. Since coming out about my status, almost every interview or person I meet asks me how I keep a positive attitude, especially after being dealt a big blow in the form of finding out I had HIV? Over the years I have been able to pinpoint the various things that keep me positive and living positively, and let me tell you it is not all rosy. its part active participation, part losing control. Not sure what I mean, well let me break it down for you.

In terms of actively participating in my own healing, I take this job very seriously, and yes, I do think of it as a job because being HIV positive isn't something you master over night. For starters, I have always been curious about this little thing called HIV. Partly because it is my work, but also because I have it, so I have always made it a point to find out and learn as much as possible. Take my absence for instance, I wasn't just out and about living the good life, I was actually at the South African AIDS conference, learning as much as possible about HIV and AIDS to keep in my arsenal of knowledge. They say knowledge is power and I couldn't agree more. Not only am I better at explaining the intricacies of my virus, but I am also more comfortable with things like dating, sex etc. In addition to that I have learn't to take charge of my mind, body and soul and various ways. With my mind, its usually as simple as keeping positive people around, doing things that make me happy etc like blogging, watching movies and exercising. For the body aspect, it has been a long journey of trial and error. Whilst some ARVs do have some side effects and can cause weight gain in unwanted places, through a healthy lifestyle, listening to my body and the like, I am able to keep my body at a healthy weight. It also doesn't hurt that I love to cook and can spend hours on food websites.

When it comes to my soul...well this is a tricky one, but I think the first step for me has been accepting my status, being unappologetically positive. Realizing that things can not be changed and ensuring that the deepest parts of me are OK with that (at least on most days, I'm not buddha people, I still have my emotional days). But thats the thing, even with my bad days when I hate the world and my status I let myself go through the emotions, like they say, if you are going through a bad patch, keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Now when it comes to letting go and losing control, I have become aware (quite quickly too) that sometimes, like with everything, you have to just roll with the punches. My CD4 count drops by a little, I try not stress about it too much, everyone's CD4 count fluctuates and so will mine. I want to have a drink, sure thing but I try not to over do it and again I love to listen to my body (Like now for instance, my body is not big on any alcoholic drink what so ever, I know this because when I have even a glass of wine, I start to feel light headed and not so great). But at the end of the day life is life, its meant to be enjoyed and so it should be. I would hate to call myself and expert but I do know what works for me and what doesn't and that my friends, is the art of living a positive life.

What I realized there and then was that we cant own EVERYTHING, sure we could try but part of the beauty of life is just living it, not capturing it, whether it be that AMAZING meal you had at dinner that you want to instagram, also guilty, or just that beautiful dress that costs way more than you can afford but are adamanet to own. Its all about consumerism and ownership and at some point with things and life itself you have to just let go. Live the experience without wanting to hold on to it forever. Love the food, savour it, like the dress, try it on and keep moving, (away from the till though).

The princess and the pee

image via google.com

When it comes to bathroom etiquette, I am the first to shun those who speak about their bowl movements like its a breaking news announcement, yes, I know #judgmentalmidget. Bring sex into it and its like I can't stop myself from blurting out the first thing that's on my mind. Anyways that's for another day. What I really wanted to talk about was your pee, yes you giving me the side eyes. The thing is, no one likes to talk about their bathroom habits, and I am certainly one of those people, but this is a free space and even pseudo princess like myself have to touch on issues like pee.

So the thing is, for a long time I was always so shy about using public/friends/family friends, basically anyone who wasn't my mom's bathroom. Until of course several bladder infections and a talking to from the Dr who told me to "let it go, let it goooo" ha ha, see what I did there (no wonder Frozen is a cultural phenomenon, there's a princess talking about peeing, ha ha, ok ok back to the task at hand). Anyways since then, when I need to go to the bathroom, I go, especially since I've accepted in my older age that its normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. So what should you know about peeing? Well here are the top 3 things to know about your pee from one of my favorite health bloggers Hannah

Color: There are tons of factors that determine urine color, the simplest of which is whether or not you’re well hydrated. If you’re not drinking enough water your pee will be a shade of deep amber or honey, and if you are getting the proper amount of fluids it’ll be closer to clear. Simply put, the darker your pee, the more water you need to drink throughout the day. Also, taking certain vitamins and medications or eating densely-colored veggies like beets can change the color from yellow to pink or even light blue, so don’t be alarmed if that’s the case!

Smell: Your pee shouldn’t typically have a strong smell, but if it does the cause could be as simple as one of your last meals containing asparagus, which breaks down into sulfuric-scented compounds within just 30 minutes of ingestion. If you haven’t noshed on this green vegetable recently but you notice a distinct, ammonia-like smell it could be due to a urinary tract infection, dehydration or certain medications. These conditions can seriously affect your health so it’s important that you notify your doctor if you catch a whiff of something funky in your pee that’s not asparagus related.

pH Balance: Another way pee is an excellent indicator of overall health is through its pH levels, which can be easily tested with an at-home urine analysis kit. The test determines the body’s alkalinity or acidity, or its pH balance, and the goal is to hover between a neutral pH level of 7.0 and 7.45. So the lower the number, the more acidic your pH and the higher the number, the more alkaline your pH. Most people wind up on the acidic side because of poor eating habits or stress, but finding the perfect pH balance is as easy as adding more alkalizing foods to your diet like green vegetables, fruit, nuts and seeds.

The Breakfast Edit: Muesli & Co

Another day, another breakfast, well at least for me that's the case. When it comes to meals, breakfast is a must, especially since the boyfriend and I have joined the 5am club which means by 7am I am ready for breakfast. As previously mentioned, breakfast for me is not just about the food, although I will admit its certainly a big part of it, its also a time to connect with loved one's. A lot of what I make is influenced largely by the two men I share a home with (who knew men could have such refined palettes? - KIDDING) No really. The guys know what they want and often aren't afraid to ask for it, which means lots of thinking, planning and hoping on my end.

Breakfast however is a little easier to navigate. Having household favorite's makes my job easier and much faster. One of my boyfriends ultimate favorites is muesli, double thick yoghurt and fresh fruit with a drizzle of honey. I must admit, having not always been a big fan of this sort of breakfast, the more I eat it, the more I love it. And it doesn't hurt that it takes less than 10 minutes to make. Its just a matter of chopping some fruit and serving it up and voila you have a healthy delicious breakfast.

The woman I want to be....

AGH, I am 26, (enter existential crisis). No, not really, actually my last one was last year, this year leading up to my birthday I was so preoccupied with work and life that my birthday was secondary to everything else. I mean sure, I love a good party and presents (who doesnt?) but this year the road to 26 was pretty much like the road to any other birthday. Perhaps this is because I feel a sense of calm knowing whats to come, including lots of fun work projects, travel and winter (it isnt as cold as it was last year). This year however I did realized a few things, so here is my list of 10 things I've learnt thus far:

1. No is a complete sentance, and its certainly one worth learning.
2. Its ok to not be a club rat anymore (although I will admit to changing my mind every so often when I really want to go dancing).
3. Work can actually be fun (yes, that is if you love what you do, if not, I suggest taking a serious look at your work)
4.  Its totally ok to wake up on your birthday and work, your no longer the young twenty something year old you once were and thats ok, because you also know that with hard work comes play and nice holidays (yep thats me this morning)
5. To rethink all your friendships, no longer are you looking for friends for friendships sake, your looking for substance.
6. Spring cleaning your entire closet is totally in order, especially as you have slowly realized that your actually not into "can barely breathe" jeans.
7. Getting drunk alone with your favourite song on repeat is your idea of a good night out and thats totally fine.
8. Going to bed at 10pm is not only good for your skin but also for your health.
9. Starting to think about your wedding day is totally normal, single or coupled up, the thoughts are starting to form around the kind of marraiage you might want to have, starting of course with a nice party (aka wedding).
10. You like making lists, that's also totally normal and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Now let me get back to work and blowing our imaginary candles (no cake this year just jazz with my mom and brother later, lots of good wine and risotto)